BoOk oF mY LiFe

nO tiMe..

2005-05-20T08:34:00.000+08:00

hAiZ dOnT kNow wHy fRiEnDsTeR bLoG cAnT gO iN, sO nO chOiCe i HAvE tO bLoG hErE fOr ThE tiMe bEinG.. hAhA~ wEll, rEcEnTlY hArDlY gOt timE tO bLoG, iTs eiTheR wOrK oR gO OuT.. wEnT OuT wiTh fReNs liKe mQ, sEnG.. aNd jOwEll, nIcK... aNd gT =X hEhE~ wEnT wiTh jOwEll oN 18 mAr tO viSiT pEtEr.. wUguI~ aT cHanGi.. hAiZ sAd.. bUt rEaLLy hOpE hE cAn cOmE OuT sOoN =) . oN tAt dAY aLSO mEt uP wiTh sEnG n mQ, tO k LunCh aT tOa pAyOh, yAwN~ tiRed bUt sTil wEnT wiTh tHeM, aFteR kTv, hAhA gUeSs wHaT?? i wEnT lAn sHoP wiTh tHeM tO pLAY cS.. oMg!! hEhE~ nEwbiE mE keEp kAnNA kiLLeD.. mOsT fUnNy tHinG iS i kEeP kILLinG mY oWn tEaM mEmbEr!! =X sOrRy mQ, hAhA i dIdnT mEaN tO kiLL yOu.. rEcEnTlY tHinGS aLSo dIdnT gO wEll fOr mE, eSpEciAllY wiTh mY fAmilY.. buT lUckilY tHinGS gEttiN bEtTeR leR~~ =) hMm.. lAstlY, iTs bEeN a LonG tiMe sINcE i lAsT mEt eiLeEn.. hAiZ cOS wE iN diFfErenT sHifT sIAz, sHe wOrk i oFf, i WoRk sHE oFF.. nO nEEd tO meEt liAoZ.. uNluCkY lOhz.. hOpE sHe cAn cHanGe tO mY sHifT tOo.. tHeN wE cAn mEeT uP aT sAmE oFf dAY aNd i WonT bE sO lOnEly~~~ aT wOrk o_0... =)

10-05-05 to 12-05-05

2005-05-15T08:32:00.000+08:00

wEll.. aFteR jB oUtinGs wiTh sEnG tHeY aLL oN saT, e FOlloWinG dAyS wE aLsO mEt UP.. oN mOndAy aNd tUeSdaY.. hAhA~ tWo dAyS wEnT ouT tiLL mOrNinG dEn ReAcH hm.. mOndAy aT mY hSe hEre.. tUeSdaY wAs aT sEnG hSe dEr.. 'wAd dO wE dO?'' hAhA~ gUeSS? wEll, wE pLaYinG cArdS lOhz.. OmG!! hAhA~ eiLEen fInaLLy kNoW hOw To pLaY dAi DeE leR~~ hEhe~aLsO fEeL hApPY tHaT wE hAvE sUcH niCe tiMe tOgEtheR b4 sEnG gO aRmY iN jUnE... anYwAy, i aLsO hAvE a sTorY sTarteD 12 mAY 05.. wEll.. bUt i wOnT sAy mUch bA.. hAhA.. hOpE eVeRyThinG wiLL bE finE~
eRm.. sTarTinG wOrk loHz.. hAiZ.. 12hRs pLuS quItE tiRinG toO.. bUt stiL lOoK foRwaRd iN tHiS jOb =) bUt mY bErdAy i sTiL gOttA wOrk.. dAmN siAnz.. =)
-=-=- sOmE tHinGs nEeD tO eXpReSs, sOmE tHinGs nEeD nOt bE sAiD =) -=-=-
----- rElaTiOnsHiP iS nOt jUsT lOvE, iT nEeDs tRusT tOo -----
--- i BeliEvE wAd yOu sAy tO mE bEcOs i tRuSt yOu ---
- i mAy nOt uNdErsTanD aLL e tHinGs yOu dO, i OnlY hOpE yOu diDn liEd -

2005-05-13T22:46:00.000+08:00

wEll.. vEry gLaD tHaT i hAd a vEry ''wOnDerfUl'' dAy oN 07 maY 05, sAtuRdaY. =) aLtHouGh i hAD nOt eNouGh sLeEp tAt dAy buT stiL i enJoyEd iT vErY mUcH !! wAkE uP oN fRidAy eVeniNg, nEvEr sLeEp tiL sAt mOrn.. gEt mYselF pReParEd aNd dEn wEnT tO mEeT sEnG hAn, MiN qiAnG aNd eiLEeN aT anG mO kiO mRt sTAtiOn aT 11.30aM.. wE tOoK mRT tO kRanJi.. aT fiRsT wE tHouGhT iTs wEeKenD, sHoUld bE qUitE pAckEd.. bUt ''hEnG'', iT wAsNt cRowDed oR hAvE aNy jAm aT tHe siNgaPoRe cUstOm.. bUt onCe wE rEacHeD maLaYsiA.. oOh~ iTs lOnG quEuE. hAiZ~ wE wAiTed fOr aBouT 45 miNutEs bA.. wE wErE aLL sTaRvinG likE MAD!!!! fiNAlly, aFtER wE arE dOnE, sTraiGHt AWaY, wE wEnT tO ciTy sQuaRe tO eAt..
aFtER wE hAvE eAtEn.. wE wEnT sHoPpinG tHeRe tiLL aRounD 5pM..sOoN wE tOoK cAb tO hOliDAy pLAzA.. rEaCh dEr, wE wEnT waLkiN anD bUYinG tHinGs.. e tWo gUY rEAlly vEry gOod iN wAlkiNg.. gUeSs wHaT wE wiLL dEr tiL 9pM!!! oMg.. Only siT dOwn foR a 30miNutEs rEst oF dRinK aT rOibO.. anD a 15 mInUtEs iN kFC fOr dinNeR, tHe ReST oF tiMe wE wERe WALKING !!! cAn yOU iMaginE? hAHA~mE anD eiLeEn aLsO gOt tO sEe dEnNis dEr~ hAhA.. sO luCkY!! wEn wE wErE iN siNgaPoRe, aLSo wiLL oFtEnly sAw dEnNiS tHeY aLL, sO iTs liKE sO cOmMoN iF wE got tO sEe eAcH oTheR.. bUT nEvEr eXpEctED, gO jB oSo cAn gEt tO sEe eAcH oThEr!! HAhA~ rEAllY fAtEd aRHz..=)
e jOuRneY bAck tO siNgApOrE wAs fAsT.. tOok oNly 30minUtEs.. reAcH kRanJI mRt.. hAhA~ yA.. stiL rEmeMbEr dAt dAy wE hAD a wHole dAy oF aCtinG pOse wHen tAkinG piCs anD aLsO fuLL oF cRAPs..sEnG sHowinG hiS mUsclE?? wUaHAha~ =X lAtER oN wE wEnT tO a cAfE nEaR mY hoUse cAllEd gRapEvinE. wE wEre tIrEd yEt wE diD enJOyEd.. wE taLK cOcK, cHAtTeD aT dEr, plAy cArdS tOo.. hAhA~ wE aRE sO laME buT iT wAs fUn, wE plaY wHo cArD iS biGGeR?? sEnG wAs vErY uNluCky dAt dAY..!! e OnlY oNe wHo gOt nO cArDS iN e EnD.. nOt eVeN tAt hE stIl lOsEs iN plAyinG dAi DEe.. cOs i hAvE bEeN wiNninG loHZ.. =X dOn i bHb, SenG jUs hAvinG hiS bAd lUck!! i gOt mY pEacH smOoThiE!! =) iN tHE eNd, wE enDeD oUr dAY oF jOy anD laUghtEr aT 2 aM plUS.. wAhz~ yAwnZ.. i wAs sO tiRed dEn, i bEt eVerYone wAs e sAmE.. rEAlly enJoyEd iT. iF yOu wAn sEe tHosE piC tAkEn mY friEnDs yOu cAn gO mY multiPlY loHz.. =) hEhE~ bUddiEs, leTs hAvE anOthEr tRiP.. bUt mUSt sEe i gOt mOneY anOT fiRsT.. wuAhAhA~ =)

2005-05-06T00:28:00.000+08:00

nO OnE kNoWs hOw tHe FutUrE mAy lEaD uS tO.. nO onE kNowS wHeThER uR dEciSion WiLL bE riGhT oR nOt, bUt aS LonG aS yOu dOnT gIvE uP, i BeliEvE OnE dAy tHinGs wiLL bE whAt yOu WanTeD.. aS i Read bAcK mY pAsT bLogS.. wEll i tHinK i hAvE mAdE a WronG dEcisioN iN mY liFe aGAiN.. bUt iTS OK..i wiLL gEt bACk aGaiN.. tO mE, eVeRy fAiLuRe iS a leSsOn.. hEhE` soMetiMEs i tHinK bAcK aBoUt mYsElf, i aLSo donT uNdERsTanD wHAt haD hApPEnED tO mE, i hAvE cHAnGed sO mUch.. iN mY tHinKinG.. i ReAlly wAnT tO tHanK hiM, hE cHAnGeS mE. aLtHOugH nOrmAlly pEoplE wiLL sAy, dOnT bE sUch gOod pErsOn, yOu aRE sO sTuPId, nO onE wiLL aPpReciAte.YoU hElPed tHeM, wEn yOu nEed tHeM tHeY maY nOt hElp yOu BAcK.. wEll aCtuaLLy i kNoW.. i kNoW tHiS wOrld wEll enOUgh.. i KnOw tHiS wOrld iS cRuEl aNd i MusT fAcE REaliTY.. i uNdErsTAnD iT aLL. bUT i stiLL cHoOsE tO hElp oTheRs aS mUch aS i cAn.. bEcAuSe hE mAkEs mE lEArNt.. hE mAkES mE fEeL tHAt sOmEtiMeS wE dOnT rEally nEed tO liVe fOr jUsT OuRselvEs, bEcAuSE wE mAn aRe aLwaYs uNsAtiSfiEd.. hE mAkEs mE kNow wHAt iS lOvE, hE tEaCheS mE hOw tO loVe, hOw tO cARe, hOw tO tHInK iN a mOre hApPiEr wAy, hOw tO bE mOre cOnTeNTed, hOw tO cHeRiSh thOsE wHO lovEd n cAReD fOr yOu.. hE mAkeS mE kNoW wHAt iS mOsT iMpOrTanT.. hE jUSt cHAnGEs mE sO sO mUch tHAt eVeN mYseLf aLSo cAnT bEliEvE tHAt i dId cHAngEd tHAt mUCh!!! eVeRYtimE wEn iM bEinG pRaiSed bY oThErS liKe: hEy yOU gOt mAtuREd tHinKInG! hEy yOu aRE a StRonG gEr! hEy yoUr tHinKinG iS sO diFfeRenT! oR wHeN oTheRS tHAnkS mE wheN i HeLpEd THeM, i aLwAys wAntEd tO leT thEm knOw, iTs aLL bEcAuSE oF hiM.. tiS gUY.. wHO cHAnGEs mE.. wiThoUt hIm tHeRe wiLL mE nO WhAt i AM nOw.. tHAt'S fOr sUre..!! iT hAd bEeN sO loNG sinCe hE leFt.. bUt wHo kNoW hOw mUch i HavE bEeN tHInKinG aBouT hiM.. nO mAtTer wHeN , wHo iM wiTh, hE aLwaYs wiLL aPpEaR iN mY miNd nOw n tHeN.. cAnT fOrgEt iT.. i bEliEve hE iS aLwAys aRounD uS, nEvEr rEally gO aWaY, tAkinG cAre oF hiS fRiEndS nOw n THeN, pErhApS sEeinG mE wHen i tEacHeS oTHeRs aBt wAd'S loVE, wAd'S liFE? n sMiliNG? iTs aBOuT a yEar i nEbEr dREaMt aBt hIm.. eD i rEAlly miSsEd yOu sO muCh.. aLOT oF pEopLe aSkED mE, wHy i sAy eVeRytHIng Out tO leT oTheRS kNOw? sOMeTHinG sHouldNT hAV sAy, fOr eXamPLe iM prEgnAnT eTC.. tO mE, i tHInK i WAnT tO bE tRuE.. tO eVeRyOnE, eVEn tHoSE i mAy nOt KNoW. iTs bEcOS wHAt'S tHE pOInT oF tEllinG sOmEthiNG eLSe wHiLe YOu aRE nOT? i DOnT liKe tO bE miStaKEn.. i wAnT tO bE tRuE, wHAt i hAvE dOnE, nO mAttER iS wRonG oR riGHt, i wiLL tEll oTHeRS, bEcOS tAt iS fAcT.. aS loNG iT diD hApPeneD.. i dOnT mInD hOw yOu aLL wiLL tHinK oF mE, bUt wHAt i hAvE doNE cAnT bE cHAnGEd.. wHAT pAsT tO mE iS pAsT! iT caNnOt bE cHAnGEd, wE cAn OnlY pRevEnT iT wiTh aLL wE cAN iF wE dOesNT waNt iT tO HApPeNed aGain.. =)

03 maY 2005

2005-05-04T09:56:00.000+08:00

yEsTerDay hAvE a LonG dAy.. wAkE uP vErY eArLY ..aRoUnD 5aM.dEn aFtErnOoN SenG caL mE tO aCcOmpAnY hiM gO mAke hiS paSsPoRT.. nOthinG tO dO sO aGrEeD loHz. aFteR wAiTeD fOr hOuRs aT tHe ICA bUiLdinG, fiNaLLy dOnE bY 5.30pM.. laTer mE n SEnG wEnT tO fAr EasT, hiS sHoP dEr tiLL niGhT 9.30pM liKe dAt.. qUiTe bOrinG cOs nO mUcH cUsTomEr lOhz..hAha~ dEn wE wEnT hOuGanG kBoX.. tO sinG nOr~ mQ aLsO jOin Us aFtER hE mEeT hiS gF.. hAvE a ReaLLy fUn niGhT! sinG likE mAd~ keEp laUghinG thE wHoLe niGht! wE siNG tiLL 3aM..hAhA~ sTiL canT fOrGEt wAd seNG n mQ sAw iN e GEnTs tOilEt iN hOugAnG plAZa.. a PoOl oF sHiT oN e FlOoR..OmG!!..wUAhAHa~ tHeY eVEn lenD mY hP tO gO taKE e PiCtuRe Of iT, jUs tO leT mE SEe!!! yUcKS nOR~ iMAginE wE sTiL diScUsSinG hW cOmE tHe sHiT cAn bE On tHe floOr..oBvIOusly iSnT iT? =X dEn wEnT tO kOpiTiaM tO eAt.. aND tHeY stIL kEeP mEnTiOniNG..wAh~ cAnT sTaNd.. wE eAt tiLL aBOuT 3.30aM n WenT hOmE.. bY tHe timE i REaCh hM, iTs aLrEadY 4Am!! yaWnZ, tiRed bUt i caNt sLeEp.. tiLL nOw mOrninG iS aLreAdy 10 aM!! nO chOicE cOs gOInG foR jOb inTeRviEW laTEr.. sO mAYbE aFteR thAT deN cOmE hM tO hAvE a NicE gOod sLeEp bA` cAnT iMAginE i hAvEn sLeEp fOr mOre ThAn 30 hOUrS.. vEry LonG nEbEr likE tiS liAoz. hAiZ jIA laT .. gOInG tO havE pAnDa eYeS liaoZ.. rEAlly nEeD sLeEP!!!!! hAHA =)

anOthEr NiGhT..

2005-05-02T09:31:00.000+08:00

eRm.. yEsTeRdAy niGhT hAd a niCe tiMe wiTh sEnG,mQ aNd eiLEeN aGAin.. hAhA.. wEnT tO tHe cAfE aGaiN neAr mY hoUsE..eRm? cAmE tO cHeEr mE uP? hAhA~ wEll rEaLLy fEeL gReAt tO hAvE tHeM aCcOmpAnY.. hAiZ rEgReTtEd sAtUrdAy diDnT gO cHinAbLacK aND tHe wHole niGhT tUrnEd uP sO sHiT! oMg.. bUt fOrgEt iT.. tHiS iS liFe..wEll bAcK tO tOpiC lAhz.. sEnG aNd mQ cYcLeD aLL tHe wAY tO mY hOusE hErE, tAt rEaLLy aMaZed mE, iTS gOoD lAh, eXeRciSe.. hAhA.. bUt rEaCh aT 12Am lOhz..-_-! wE hAvE a 'cOld' niGht aT e cAfE, bEcAuSE iT'S dAmN cOld dEr, cAn yOu iMagInE iM sHivErinG wiTh mY jAcKEt oN mE? wE tOk aBOuT pLAnNinG to HAvE a cHALeT oR bBq.. cOs SenG gOinG nS liaOz. gOInG tO bE a MAN..wUaHAhA~ aFteR cAfE, wE dEn wEnT tO a pLaYgRouNd aNd cHAt tiLL aBt 5aM.. wAhz~ wE liKe gOt aLoT oF toPiCs likE dAt.iN facT,iM fEeLiN bEtTer aFtEr mEeTinG thEm..wiTh tHeiR laMe jOkEs, wE cAn lAuGh tHrOuGH tHe niGhT!! tHAnKS fOr eVeRythInG! =)

iTs e EnD..

2005-05-01T23:16:00.000+08:00

aLL thEsE tiMe yOu wErE pReTenDinG, sO mUcH fOr mY hApPy enDinG.. yEs, iTs aLL OvEr.. i ThOughT yOu ArE tHe OnE wHo wiLL tEaCh mE gUiDE mE aNd tUrn mE iNtO aN AnGeL. bUt iN tHe EnD yOu mAkE mE inTo a DEviL! i dOnT knOw wHo aRe yOu, a dEviL iN diSgUiSe oR sOmEonE wiTh nO bRaiNs? aCtUaLLY fEeL liKe gIvinG yOu a bIG sCoLd, mAkE yOu wAkE uP fRoM yOuR dREaMs!! bUT i wOnT, i dOnT wAn iT bEcOmE aS iF iM sAYinG tAt tO mAkE yOu cOmE bAcK. dO yOu knOw yOu aRe LiVinG iN tHe PaSt? yOu Only tHinK abOuT tHe SwEeTeSt thinG yOu eVeR hAd, e tiMeS yOu miSSeD sO muCh hAd aLrEAdY gOnE.. pLeaSe waKe uP!!!! pEoPLe cHAnGed.. eVErYOnE wiLL cHanGEd! i bEliEvE sHE iS nOt hOw tHe WaY ShE iS tHe dAy yOu fiRsT mEt hEr! aNYwAy fOrgEt iT.. iTs ALL oVeR.. iM nOt tHinKinG mOrE.. iTs e PaSt.. yOu enDeD mY cHApTeR wiTh mE iN mY bOoK oF liFe.. wE dOnT knOw iF wE wErE sTARt aGaiN bUt wHO cArES? i dOnT nEeD yOu tO sTarT mY cHApTer fOr nOw.. tHAnKs tO mY bEsT fRiEnDs, wHo sTaY wiTh mE eVerYtiMe aNd nEvEr leT mE gO.. cHeRisH yOu aLL.. fRiEnDs fOreVeR! =) hOpE mY dOwN dAys cAn gO Off sOon! aNd finD mYsElf anOthEr bEtTer gUy hOr~ hAhA. =)

2005-04-28T01:21:00.000+08:00

iTs 1.24AM iN tHe niGhT, wEll, rEcEnTly dOnT knOw wHy hArDly cAn faLL aSleEp..eVEn sLeEp aLsO cAnT sLeEp mOrE tHaN 6HrS wiLL wAkE uP. hAiZ? gEtTinG iNsOmNiA?? OmG, bEtTeR nOt!! iM nOt sO sTrEsSeD uP aS i uSed tO bE dUrinG tHe sTaRtinG mOntH oF thIS yEaR, liFe iS gEtTing bEttEr fOr mE. wEll, i AdmIT i diD a SeLfiSh aCt, bUt iM nOt fEeLinG rEaLLy hApPy fOr iT tOo. tHe ChOiCe iS bEeN mAde uP, aNd iTs aLL OvEr, liFe diD cHAnGeD, fOr mE... tHinKinG bAcK aLL tHoSe pAsT yEaRs, i ExpEriEnCed sO mUch~ i eNcOuntEr sO mUch aNd i leArnT aLoT.. rEaLLy aLoT.cAnT iMagInE mYsElF sLowLy OvERcOminG aLL mY feAR aNd eVeN pHoBiA!! yEs, iM gLaD tHAT iM bEcOminG mOrE aNd mOre mAtuRe iN mY thiNkinG, aNd bEcOminG mOrE aNd mOrE unDerStaNdinG.. i rEaLiSEd LiFe aLthOUgH iS nOt tOtaLLy cAn bE cOnTrOlleD bY OuRseLvEs, bUt wE sTiLL hAvE tHe aBiliTy tO maKe CHoicEs aNd cHooSE tHe patHS wE wAnTed tO taKe. aLthOUgh wE aRe uNaBle tO knOw hOw wiLL iT bE likE iN tHE fuTurE aNd wE cAnT maKE sUrE eVerYthinG cAn bE likE hOw wE plAnNed iT, bUt iM stILL gLaD wE cAn mAKe cHoicEs, wE cAn sTiLL dO thinGs tO maKe thIngS gOes beTteR. tO mE, i liVed fOr mY loVeD OnEs, thOse wE loVed aNd cArE fOr mE.. bEcAuSE fOr mE, iM sAtiSfiEd wiTh whAT i hAvE aLrEAdY.. yOu aLL mAy tHinK: 'hEy yOu dIdnT eVen mAke anY aChiEveMenT? hOw cAn yoU giVe uP? mUsT hAvE sOmE gOaLS iN yOuR liFe aNd mAkE yOur liFe mOrE fUlfiLLeD!!' yAh, i UndErsTanD. mY sAtiSfiEd dOeSnT rEaLLY mEaN ' oH iM nOt gOinG tO dO aNythinG moRe..' mY mEaninG iS iM aLrEaDy saTisFiEd fOr wHaT i hAvE nOw.. bUt i sTiLL hAvE tO wOrk, uPgrAde mYsElF fOr mY lOveD OnEs, eTC..cOs rEAliTy iS wE sTiLL nEEd liVinG~ iM sAtiSfiEd iS i dOnT dEmAnD fOr mOrE. wEll, fiRsTlY bEcAuSE i dOnT hAvE aN aiM oR a DreAm peRhaPs.. i aLSo wiSheD i wiLL hAvE, bUt tRuEly i dOnT hAvE sOmEthinG whiCh iF i dOnT dO i wiLL rEgRET.. i dO enVy pEOple wHo hAvE dREaMS aNd gOaLS [ eXaMPle eArninG tHe fiRsT miLLiOn aT tHe aGe Of 30, oR dRivinG a cAr, hAvinG a cHilD, eTc.. ] bEcAuSe thEy hAvE sOmEthinG tHeY wAntEd tO dO iN liFe, bUt i aLSo wOrRy fOr tHeM, cOS iF thEY cAnT acHieVE iT, tHeY wiLL fEeL sO dEpResSed. i hAvE sEeN sO mAnY Of tHeM, hAVinG hiGh hOpEs.. sOmETimEs i wILL tEll tHeM, aRenT yOu sAtiSfiEd? tHeY wiLL sAy, nO. wHy cAnT tHeY bE mOrE sAtiSfiEd? eVen iF thEy gOt whAT tHeY wAnTed, tHeY aRE sTill nOt sAtisFiEd aNd iN thE eNd mAKe tHemSelvEs mOre UnhApPy. wE sHouLd cArE mOrE foR tHoSE wHo cArE fOr uS.. cHeRiSh tHosE wHO aRE viTaL tO yOu, tO mE, nOthinG cAn bE cOmpAreD tO LOVE.. LOVE aS iN KiNsHiP ,ReLaTIOnsHiP aNd fRiEnDshIP..hAvinG sOmEoNE tRuE tO yOu, tRuSt iN yOu, tRuEly SUpPoRtinG yOu aNd gIVeS yOu mOraL, isNT bEtTeR tHAn hAvinG LoTs Of mOneY?
rEaLitY iS rEAliTy.. tHiS wOrld iS gEtTinG mOrE aNd mOrE cRuEl aNd pRacTiCAl.. nO mOnEY? yOuR liFe wiLL bE hArD..sO dUe tO thE cHAnGe Of thIS wOrld, pEOple sTarT tO cHanGe, mOrE anD moRE bacKsTAbBeR aNd hYpOcRiTes,liArS.. bUt aCtuAlly wHo WanT tO bE liKe thAT? nO.. i bEliEvE theY diD iT fOr a ReAsOn.. wE aRe hiDinG OuRseLvEs uP mOrE n mOrE, tRuStinG peOple leSs n leSs.. hAiZ~ rEAlly cAnT unDersTaND.. lAsTly i aLSo doNt knoW wHaT iM bLogGinG aBOuT.. pErHapS iM jUs tOo bOrEd.. hAhA~ cOS wAItinG fOr dEAR tO oFF wOrk aT 8aM dEn gO JB.. bUt nOw gOinG 2AM, i stiLL nOt sLeEpy, dOnT daRE tO sLeEp liAoZ, laTer cAnT wAkE mOrE jiA laT.. hEe~ =)

fUckEd uP!!!

2005-04-26T11:25:00.000+08:00

tOdaY iM vErY sAd.. vErY hUrt!!! hAte iT !! hAte IT!! hAte iT!! i dOnT wAnT tO eXplAiN i dOnT wAnT tO sAY aNyThinG eLSE! evErYthinG jUs sUcKs!!! i HaTE tOdAy!!!!!

fiNaLLy hAvE tiMe tO bLoG

2005-04-24T03:15:00.000+08:00

wEll.. eVeR siNcE i LaSt bLoG, i hAvE bEeN bUsY tiLL nOw.. wEnT oUt wiTh fReNs aNd fiNdinG jObS. sTiLL cAnT fOrGeT tHe DaY aT eiLeEn'S hSe wiTh sEnG han aNd mQ~ bAkinG cOokiEs! hAhA.. i tHinK thAt wAs oN tHe 11tH aPr riGht? wEll.. i wAs LeArNinG tO bAkE laHz~ fOr mY dEaR dE.. cOs 12tH iS OuR fiRsT mOntH.. =P sO fAsT iS bEeN OnE mOntH pLuS wiTh dArReN. eRm.. RecEnTly dAyS wAsnT qUiTe wEll.. eSpeCiAlly fOr mY bEsT bUddiEs liKE sEnG aNd eiLeEn.. hAiZ. aLsO donT knOw wAd cAn i hElp oUt.OnLy wiSh ThAt sEnG wOnT rEgReT oF wAd hE haD dOnE aLthOugH i UnDeRsTanD wHy bUt i sTiLL fEeL aBiT wAsTed LohZ~ hOpE hE cAn hAvE sOmEoNe bEttEr sOoN.. aS fOr eiLeEn. aLsO wiSh tAt hEr LifE cAn bE beTteR.. weLL.. rEaLLy eNjOy tHe tiMe sPenD wiTh sEnG , mQ aNd eiLeEn.. tHeY aRe mY gReaT pALs.. LasTly hOpE i cAn hAvE mOrE fReE tiMe sO i CaN uPdAtE mY bLoG mOrE~ aNd mAkE iT wOnT sEeM sO bOrinG loH~ hAhA.. =)

niCe mEeT uP

2005-04-10T09:31:00.000+08:00

iT wAs LaSt FriDAY.. 8 aPr.. wEnT tO mEeT mY buDdiEs: eiLeEn, sEnG hAn aNd miN qiAnG. iTs bEeN oNe mOntH sinCe i LaSt mEt uP wiTh sEnG n mQ. tHeY aRE mY sEc scH frIenDs. gReaT paLs! hAha.. tHe wHoLe niGhT wAs fuLL oF jOkeS anD lAuGhTeR! cAnT fOrgEt tHe "wE'Re jUsT fRienDs" wiTh tHe hAnD siGn.. wUahAha~~ rEaLLy lAugH LikE mAd! wE wEnT tO gRaPeVinE aNd LaTer tO uPpeR tHOmsOn tHe prAtA hOusE tiLL sO laTE.yAwN~ iT wAs sUcH a hAppY niGht tO mE, taLk aBouT pAsT anD pResEnT... aNd aLsO sOmE tEaChinGs..haHa~ rEaLLy enjOy tHe tiMe! iM sO gLaD tHaT i sTiLL haVe a gRouP oF oLd buDdiEs tO hanG oUt wiTh anD cHaT.. tImE rEallY fLiEs, kNoW tHeM sinCe sEc oNe.. tiLL nOw aLsO aBouT 7yrS liAoz.. wAH~ nEveR rEaLisEd iTs thaT LonG aLrEadY!!! =)

iTs aLL oVeR

2005-04-08T03:10:00.000+08:00

eVerYthInG iS OvEr.. iTs aLL pAin aNd sOrRoW fOr mE.. i CanT bEaR bUt i HaVe tO.. aNywAy i jUsT dOnt wIshEd tO saY moRe. i wAnT tO foRgeT eVeRythiNg aNd sTarT mY neW LiFe.. iM sO foRtuNaTe aNd sUcH a LuCkY gEr.. wHaT eLsE cAn i dEmAnD aNd aSk fOr? i hAvE pEopLe wHo cAreS fOr mE wHeN iM dOwN.. i hAvE pEopLe tO sHaRe mY jOy aNd sOrRoW.. tHeY aRe mY fRiEndS aNd fAmiLy.. aLthOugH i LosT sOmEonE.. mY bEloVed baBy..bUt i sTiLL gLaD tHaT i HaVe tHeM.. iM cRueL aNd hEaRtLeSs.. sElfISh.. wHaTeVeR.. bUt tRuEly dEeP dOwN.. iM tErRibLy sAd aNd hUrT..iTs nOt jUsT pAin.. iTs mOrE tHaN wOrdS cAn dEsCriBe. dOnT aSk mE mOrE aFtERaLL iTs aLL gOne,iTs aLrEadY pAsT . dOnT aSk mE wHy i hAvE a nEw ReLaTiOnsHiP? wHy cAnT i haVe? wEll, iM gLaD tHaT i MeT hiM.. hE sOmEhoW cHanGed mE.. cHanGed mY tHinKinG aNd wAy oF liFe.. iS iT loVe ? i DonT knOw bUt hE dId hAD mAkE mE rEaLiSed hOw tO bE a bEttEr pErSoN..tHeSe dAyS , hE gAvE mE sO mUch cOuRaGe aNd sTrEngtH wHeN i nEeDEd iT mOsT.. gAvE mE sO mUch HapPy mEmOriEs aNd mAke mE bRaVe EnoUgh tO ovErComE mY fEaR.. tHAnKs fOr bEinG tHeRe wHeN iM aT mY dArkEsT mOmenTs mY dEaR.. hOpE wE cAn LaSt fOrEveR.. =)

iM cHanGinG bAck!!

2005-03-28T17:39:00.000+08:00

tHinK iM mAd? oR crAzY? nO.. iM dEfinIteLy nOt.. iM jUsT cLeaR oF wHaT i WanT.. aNd iM gOinG tO ChAnGe baCk.. iM gOinG tO bE likE hOw i Am iN thE paSt.. iM tUrninG bACk tO noRmAL, aS hOw i uSeD tO bE.. nOt bEinG a MotHeR aNyMOrE.. i kNOw iM crUeL, iM sElfiSh... bUT aLL iS sEt..
aLL mY wOrST dAY iS gOInG tO bE oVeR.. tHiS 30th mAR... eVerYthINg wiLL bE bACk tO nOrmaL.. nO moRe ProbLemS.. nO moRE cOnfLicTS.. nO mOre quArReL.. i WiLL sHinE baCk.. i wiLL cOmE baCk.. jUsT wAtcH mE.. i wiLL bE aS sTronG aS i cAn.. aNd i waNt tO bE bRavE!! i mAke mY oWn dEciSiOn... pleAse dOnT bLamE anYbodY buT mE iF yOu wAnT tO.. i mAkE iT aLL uP i ShaLL hAndLe bY mYselF.. iM vErY thAnKfuL.. tO tHosE wHo hAvE bEEn suPpoRtiNg mE aLL aLonG.. lOvE yOu aLL.. tHanKs fOr aLL tHe mOraL suPpoRt...i sTiLL loVE mY fAMilY.. nO maTteR whAT..iM SoRrY tO mY chiLd fOr wAd i hAvE dEciDed tO dO.. yOu cAn haTe mE dO whaTeVeR yOu waNt.. i oNly waNt mY fAMiLy tO bE sAfe aNd haPpY.. thAnKs tO mY bEsT fRiEnD eILeEn... sHe gAvE mE tHe mOsT hElp.. sHe sUppOrTeD mE aLL aLonG.. thAnkS tO mY deAR deaR.. hE gAvE mE sTrenGtH aNd hE sHowEd mE a nEw rOuTE tHaT i cAn wAlk tO.. hE iS e OnE wHo sHakEn mE.. mAkE mE rEaLisEd mY sTuBboRneSS mAy leaD tO mOrE aNd MOrE pEopLe tO suFfeR.. aNd AlSo tHosE fRieNdS wHo gaVe mE suPpoRt.. ThaNkS!!! i WiLL bE sTroNg aNd bRaVE!! i WiLL noT gIvE uP anY hoPe!! i wiLL chAnGe baCk tO wHaT i aM.. i WiLL sHinE aGaiN !!!! =)

a nEw cHoiCe?

2005-03-15T05:33:00.000+08:00

peOple sAy LiFe iS LikE a RoaD thAt yOu toOk sInCe tHe dAy yOu aRe bOrn.. aLonG tHe wAy, yOu wiLL fAce a LoT oF pAtHs fOr yOu tO cHoOsE tO wAlk.. i tHinK i hAvE rEaCheD oNe oF tHe PoiNtS iN mY paTh tHaT i hAvE tO cHoOsE tO dEciDe wHiCh wAy sHoUld i gO... fUtuRe iS uNknOwn.. mY liFe iS uNdeR mY dEciSiOn. aLtHoUgH wE cAnT cHaNgE aLoT oF tHinGs aNd wE cAnT tOtaLLy cOntRoL oUr LiFe bUt wE sTiLL hAvE tHe ChanCe tO cHoOse.. iTs a TouGh mOmEnT fOr mE.. tHiS pEriOd oF tiMe, i eXpeRiEnCeD aLoT oF sTrEsS aNd pRobLeMs wHicH i hAvE nEveR eVeR eXpeRieNcE bEfoRe. yEs, iM sCaRed, aFraId aNd loSt.. bUt i wiSh sO mUch i cAn mAkE iT thRoUgH~ iTs a vErY hUgE cHaLLeNgE tO mE, i fAcEs aLoT oF dEciSiOnS tHaT i hAvE tO mAkE sEriOusLy.. i kNoW aLoT oF tHinGs cAnT bE tReaTeD likE a ChiLdpLaY.. oNe sTeP aFfeCts mY wHoLe LifE iN tHe fuTuRe.. rEcEnTly, i mEt sOmeOne wHo aFFeCteD mE.. hE hApPeNs tO bE aBle tO cHanGeS mE wHicH i wAs qUiTe sHockEd.wHy sHockeD? cUz i kNoW mYsElf wAs a sTubBoRn pErSon, i oNly dO tHinGs tHaT i wiSheD tO. nO onE cAn iNfLuenCe oR cHanGeS mY dEciSionS.. eVeN sOmEtiMeS mY fAMiLy aLsO cAnT. bUt yEt, hE diD iT. hE shaKeN mY sTronG dEciSiOn wHiCh i aLwaYs hOld oN tO..hE maKe mE sEe aNoThER rOuTe aNotHeR cHoiCE iN mY LiFe wHeRe i cAn gO.. aLthOugH nOboDy kNOwS wiLL mY dEciSiOn rEaLLy sUcCeEd, cUz fUtuRe iS uNknOwn, nOboDy wiLL knOwS wHeTheR i wiLL rEgrEt iN fuTuRe.. eVeN mE mYseLf dOnT knOw.. aT tHiS pOinT oF tiMe, i aDmiT i dO nOt knOw wHaT cHoiCe iS riGht wHaT iS wRonG, i AdmiT iM vErY LoSt aNd mY dEciSIOn mAy LeAd mE tO a WoRsT nIgHtmArE.. wHaTevEr~~ fOr nOw.. i bEliVeD iN hIm.. i mAy bE sTuPiD mAy bE nOt.. bUt i wiShEd i wiLL hAvE tHe cOurAgE tHaT i InDeEd nEedEd.. i hAvE tO bE bRaVe tO mAkE eVeRyTHinG suCceEd.. i mUsT tRusT mySelF.. i rEaLLy wiShEd i wiLL bE aBle tO fAcE iT.. =)

sO bOrEd

2005-03-10T02:22:00.000+08:00

so boRed... everyday seems so boring...haha~ tonite nehz..beri sianz.. its a fren berday but cant join them..=( cuz they go chiong!!!! haiz.. cant go la.. got bb muz take care myself.. even my brother also went out cuz is his fren too.. e whole house so quiet tonight~~ best fren eileen oso went abroad ler..left me! haha~ monday night luckily went kbox wid her~ now not so sianz... haiz things still haben settled.. wen can it be done? hope everything can go smooth soon~ if not life will be so stressed up and sad... i hate to be sad lorz.. hehe =)

2005-03-09T12:13:00.000+08:00

~ i WaN t0 sAy suMtInG tO ...a PeRsOn i MiSs sO mUcH = a PeRsOn wHo GiVeS mE sTrEngTh tO LiVe = a PeRsOn wHo ChAnGeS mE = a PeRsoN wHo i ALwaYs WisH foR = a pErSoN whO cAn tReaT mE LikE a QuEeN = a pErSoN whO eVeN wILLinG tO bE mY sLaVe = a pErSoN wHo LuRveS mE sO MuCh = a PeRsoN wHo iS sO pErFeCt = a PeRsOn wHo i NeVeR cHeRiSh = a peRsOn wHo prOteCt mE = a pErSoN wHo dOtE n pAmPeRed mE = a PeRsOn wHo iS mY SoUL = a pErSoN wHo i NeVeR DiD aNiThiN foR hIm = a pErsOn wHo iS e oNLy oNe = eD
``i cAnT dEsCribE mY pAiN n mY sOrrY t0 U.bUt i jUz LiKe tHe WaY u uSed tO LuRveS mE.eVeN wEn U r nOt bY My SiDe i nOe U sTiLL cArE fOr mE.iTs oNly U dO iT iN aNotHeR wAy .iTs U wHo GiVeS mE e StRenGtH n WiLL t0 LiVe oN.iTs U wHo ChAnGeS mE. WiThoUt U, i CaN nEbeR bE wAd i aM tOdaY.iT maY sEeMs hArD tO beLiEve bUt iTs tRuE~ U cHaNgeD mE fRoM e mOmEnT U leFt uS..U maY nOt bE aBLe tO nOe EvErYtHinG tAt hAD hApPeNeD bUt i CaN tELL u.. U haF aLwAYs bEeN mY eVerYthInG siNCe daT daY..dAt mOmEnT..
wEn i ReALiSed U.aRe.mE n i.aM.U ..
uR liFe iS giVeN tO mE tO cHanGe mY liFe =]

dAteD 07 mAr 2005

2005-03-07T04:15:00.000+08:00

now is early morning of monday .. about to 4.30am only.. feel so bored and unwell now =(. falling sick again! [ i juz hate to be sick!!!] haiz..having fever now.. hope can get better soon~~ maybe these few days been going out too much liaoz..my health cant take it ler.. obi lorz..but tis few days went out to meet frens like jowell, francis,eileen and zhao wei they all was also fun lorz hehe~ at least i feel much better and not so sad~ actually now then i understand how hurt it was to see ur loved ones being hurt den to u urself being hurt..its e kind of feeling tat i rather myself hurt den to see them like dat.. i hate to hurt my family but i noe i am hurting them now.. sometimes i tell myself to stand strong for e child..but my strength was so limited. i feel so helpless in myself and i cant tink of a way out of tis mess. its not a choice of myself or my family. its a choice of myself, my family or my child.. tis is e hardest things to me.. alot of things is out of my choice, out of my control.. i noe i cant do wad i wanted.. life is actually very simple but we man make it all so mess up.. isnt it? becuz we have feelings..i feel so vexed and totally about to go crazy..i don wish to tink so much but yet i hav to.. im afraid i will lost myself, im afraid i will lost my strength and ability to stand up strong.. sometimes i wish i can be heartless.. so tat i wont care for how others tink and do everythin in my way..[actually its impossible la.. unless i lost my memories perhaps] lastly, thanks to all e ones who stand by me to give ur support..=)

sAdnEsS...

2005-03-03T18:20:00.000+08:00

beri long didnt came in to blog ler.. tings changes alot for mi..at first tot tat my mum would hav accept me as a single mum..but as time goes.. she doesnt.i can understand her stress and her worry for me. but i realli dont feel to abort e child. its either i get married or abort..tat's wad she say to me.i noe its hard for her to accept life becomin like tis.. but is tat e oni way? i noe i cant afford much for all e baby expenses as im pregnant now and its hard to work..and i hav to rely on them for e moment..but i realli feel its cruel to abort a child.somemore is my own child.. =( im very sad.. i feel so lost.. but i muz b strong lohz. Although tings dun go on my way but i will try to make it better! i really wish i could tink of a way.. tat i can keep my baby and my mum is willing to accept.. cuz i really need her help. i cant imagine after i give birth who can look after my baby if i go work. feel so alone~ helpless.. haiz! i noe life will be veri stress up. i hav try to make myself prepared. for all e comments pple will give me and say me.. well, i may be able to endure but i also worry for my mum, will she able to endure all tis stress?? its not her fault yet she hav to suffer wid me. i feel bad.. i feel so guilty.. really hope tat tings can go a better way.. =)

a bRanD nEw sTarT..

2005-02-23T16:49:00.000+08:00

wELL..a bRaNd nEw bLoG aNd e sTarT oF mY bOoK oF LiFe.hEhE~ eRm.. oBviOusLy e fiRsT feW cHapTeRs oF mY LiFe hAv aLreAdY pAsSed mE..SinCe e dAY i wAs bOrn tiLL nW..wAhZ.. iM aBouT tO 20yEaRs oLd leR..iT'S iMpoSsiBle feR mE tO wRitE aLL mY pAsT eXpEriEnCeS aNd iNcidEnTs.. sO i jUz iN sHoRt tO dEsCriBe mY fiRsT fEw cHapTeRs oF mY LiFe bA..
ChaPtEr oNe [ 0yrs-12yrs old]
my childhood..im my memories i was a playful yet quiet girl..i remember i was a timid little ger wen i was young.hehe~ i dont like to be wid stranger..or even someone who i juz dont like to be with..i always like to stick wid my mum..if she is not around, i'll cry de..haha~till i went kindergarten.. den i start to be more friendly and out-going.Stil remember,at tat age of mine, i already starting to know about love..true lohz. we goes around sayin :' hey,u like whoever.. u n blah blah together..' tis kind of RUBBISH*.reali enjoy tos carefree childhood..:) i was staying at whampoa tat time, so most of my kindergarten friends went to e same primary school as me.. Moulmein Primary School [nw closed-down liaoz]. At there, i was also known as a quiet ger.. i dont talk much.but yet i hav lots of friends. Primary 4 onwards.. i tend to me more playful.Start to linger around whampoa after school instead of going home. hehe ;p. Pri 5 i moved house, but i still hang around near my school's opp mama shop everyday.. haha. i hav very good friends like: yizhen,xiaoyun,sabrina.. and also other friends like: peiting,amy,kar ann,jasmine,lynette,rong chang,sam,pengxiang,ganesh,victor,meili,n more..[see i stil rem their names]. i still rem my fav teacher during p5 n p6 was Mr Choo..he is really a veri nice n good teacher. we all work hard for PSLE.. frankly.. without him, i wont be scoring 219 for PSLE..thanks alot mr Choo!=)
ChaPtEr tWo [13yrs-16yrs old]
my teenage period.. haiz my most jia lat period.. as now i recall back, i feel tat hw bad was i last time. OMG! so childish..so inconsiderate..so stubborn..so naive..wahz alot alot bad points. i was enrolled to Beatty Secondary School.. express stream. wen i was at lower sec [sec 1 n 2], life was only play and play everyday.. small kid* haha. tos days was like boys bully gers.. sleep in class.. do stupid stuff.. being rebellious.. although it seem so bad,but i do miss tos days.. really. missed tos fun, tos laughter.. tos hack care character.haha. i hav a bunch of very playful class.. united but was dislikes by almost e rest of e school. tat was e time wer i meet my buddies now like Seng Han, Min Qiang and Eileen! of cuz i hav still others good friends but wasnt so close now ler.. i enjoy my sec 2 life alot! yeah 2e2..haha. Alot of memories..in which some we still used now to tease each other. Seng till now stil like to use SK* to disturb me sia~ haiz.. oh ya~ i hav a nick at tat time too.. seng they all call me MOUSE..u noe? Lao Shu..hahaz they stil callin me dat nw okie. argh~i look like mouse mahz.:x Upper sec life de myself, was a very bad person. really.a well-known for being dao..i never talk to anione unless i regard u as my fren. Alot of pple dislikes me, say i look so xia lan..wuahaha~ perhaps? actually i wasnt being proud lahz, i was just doing wad i wan in my own world at tat time. it's like u dun like it, den juz get lost!me,eileen and two other frens, qianlin and lixing..goes around disturbing pple. we hav alot of conflicts wid pple like celestina? samantha? etc etc..life was very stress up to me tat time.. cuz i was not mature,still dono hw to tink tat time. always complain my family dont care for me.. all sorts.. perhaps teenage is jus like tis.. its e point wer u go stray damn damn easily.. tat's wen i started smoking too.. goin clubbing.. :x.. regret neber study at tat point of time.. haiz tat is already past.. forget it!as long i learnt my lesson and understand now.. better than nothing.haha =)
ChApTeR tHrEe [16yrs-17yrs old]
tis is e period wer i came out frm school after finishin my O's.. e start towards tis cruel reality world ba.. start to know more and more people and start to realise actually der r lots of things in tis world i was still unfamiliar wid. During tis period, life is stil play and play..Everyday go out til late night without even care for how my parents will worry for me. But i did went to find job. Although its not the first time i started working to earn money.. but my age at tat time was quite hard to find jobs.. [unless fast-food outlets lor =x] Finally found a job- being an outdoor promoter.. wahhz.. tough job. cuz muz walk very very long journey..talk n talk.. stil need to face tos pple's attitude..earn not much also.Recall back, although tat job was tough but i did learnt alot of stuff thru it too lahz..i hav a bunch of gd sisters during tat time like levonne,pauline,jeslin..etc.. eileen work wid mi too.. everyday after work we will all hang around @ bugis.. bugis village arh..and of cuz e billiard saloon der..tat time all i care was frens.. nothin else..O's level result was out.. of cuz i flunk..oni passed chinese. so i decided to continue working at der without caring much about studying..Tis is oso e period wer i met someone who hav changes my whole life..someone who makes me understand..maybe its fated ba.. i experienced something which i never expected.. a story a chapter into my life which is so unbelievable but yet truely happened..really hope i can write it all out one day.. but now im lost of words to it..
CHaPtEr fOuR [17yrs-19yrs old]
a period wer my new self have began.. just like a brand new person.. nothing much to say about me during tis period.. maybe someone who have learnt.. someone who started to cherish loved ones.. i begin to love my family more cuz i noe they care for me most... =)
ChApTeR FiVe [now]
after alot alot of things tat happened.. currently im still strong.. Hehe~ well i learnt to be strong and tried to be strong..although i know i cant be very strong.. at times i will still breakdown and need some strength from others but i tell myself i have to learn..to me.. spend one day happily is much better to spend it sadly.. i love fun and laughter and hate to cry.. i dun like myself crying.. i dun like myself to feel down or depressed so i keep on trying to learn to be strong =) well.. im a going-to-be mum of an unborn baby..to alot of people i noe they may be shocked..well im abt 4mth pregnant now ler.its after very long hestitation.. after very long struggle.. tat i have decided to say it out.. well bcuz i feel its a disgrace to say it at first.. cuz im not getting married and im going to be a single mother.. but now im prepared.. i believe tat there is no point hiding the truth from others.. i jus hope tat life wont be so stress up.. i know alot of things i have to do.. to plan.. all i hope for is got my friend's moral support.. =)